Porn Shoot Massacre 2009 Review

Porn Shoot Massacre 2009

Directed by: Corbin Timbrook

Starring: Robert Ambrose, Naomi Cruz, Nick Machado

Review by Luisito Joaquín González
As I write this, I’m thirty-one years old and still obsessed with tracking down and reviewing every slasher film ever released. Sometimes, even a few that haven’t been. Don’t ask me why I do it, because I’ll never know, but it’s probably a hobby that I’ll take to the grave with me. I might as well just have, ‘a 904984875SLASH above‘ written on my tombstone…Anyway, the people I associate and live with aren’t as keen on these pictures as me, so I generally convert them to MP4, load them on my iPad and watch away whilst on my way to work. This has never ever been a problem for me, until I got round to Porn Shoot Massacre. I was on a pretty long train journey and in the seat opposite was a young and rather timid looking lady. I hit play and almost turned red when the first thing on the screen was a silicone embedded chica stark naked for about five-minutes. I turned my pad away from her line of sight a tad too late and I guess that only the Lord must 6236367372387282know what she thought of me. Being caught watching what purely and simply looks like a porno movie on the train is not the best experience that I’ve ever had. I only have myself to blame though, because the warning is right there in the title.

Unlike Bloodbath in Psycho Town, Porn Shoot Massacre does not have a misleading moniker. We get porn, we get a shoot and we get a massacre. It does what it says on the tin. It’s another of those ‘charming’ zero budget new age features that chuck in an erotic angle to grab an audience. Other examples of this phenomenon are Fantom Killer, Massacre at Rocky Ridge and Sandy Hook Lingerie Party Massacre. They are usually worthy only of being stacked in a pile and never watched again, but Rocky Ridge was unique enough to re-set my expectation levels. Could Colin Timbrook’s slasher do the same?

A new director in town is hiring all the local Adult talent for a shoot in an abandoned warehouse. They turn up to perform, but find his eccentric style somewhat overpowering. Soon it becomes apparent that there’s also a masked killer on set and they need to stick together to escape…

Many times in my short film reviewing history I have written quips like, ‘dramatics that would shame a porno film’. That’s not going to work here though, because the cast of Timbrook’s opus are pretty much all Adult movie stars. Damn, I’ll have to start thinking of something else cocky to write. Anyway, let’s get down to basics. What we have here is an exploitation flick that chooses boobies over blood and guts. If you love watching strumpets whip off their kits, then this is the place for you to be. We get various soft porn embraces with plenty of gusto and they even chuck in a lesbian scene just for the hell of it.

In between all that nonsense, we thankfully get reminded that we are watching a slasher film. The hulking killer turns up regularly to do his thing and the murders are fairly creative. He stalks throughout the shadows in a warehouse behind the set and picks off his victims one at a time when they wander out the back. As I mentioned earlier, we don’t see too much goo, but I think this is most definitely down to the financiers being priced out of their ambition by cigar 784786476chopping special effects guys and their high wage demands. The good news is that the low amount of crimson is kind of made up for by the pure brutality of the slaughters. The first one especially is actually quite shocking.

Where the movie really surprised me was with its ambitious story. It’s a good attempt at building a macabre surrounding for the characters and a fairly authentic motive. It does suffer from predictability a bit, but I personally quite liked the conclusion. The performances are awful, but it’s worth mentioning the guy who plays the psycho killer. His grunting and heavy breath was really quite effectively conveyed. The campy director is also an interesting character. The way he was dressed with his eighties Top Gun shades, thin moustache and ‘awkward’ beard made me think of the hilarious DJ from the old school slasher, The Scaremaker. Unfortunately the chances of him becoming a classic cheese-ball persona are ruined by poor dramatisation, an awful attempt at an English accent and a late story revelation. Still, as you can see in the picture opposite, at least for a while, his image does bring a smile.

As I can’t really see too many slasherettes liking this film, let me put it the simplest possible way to my straight male readers. You go to the disco to get your drink on. You are checking out the dance floor and getting ready to make 7476487483498393093your move. Do you go for A) the girl shaking her booty in the ‘belt like’ skirt and tattoos who invested $10,000 on ‘bodily improvements’. Or do you go for B) The shy little cutie in the corner that’s drinking a soda water and lime? If the answer to that question is A, then this my friends will light your fire. If you are choosing B, you will probably be as embarrassed as I was.

Porn Shoot Massacre deserves a pat on the back for having one or two surprisingly effective flourishes. The only thing that ruins it for me is the skyscraper level of unnecessary nudity. The odd T&A shot is as much an ingredient to the cycle as a masked killer, but the stuff featured here makes this more smutty than creepy. I am not knocking that though. How could I with a film titled Porn Shoot 87478478484984383933Massacre? Features like these DO have an audience and this is most definitely one that can only be recommended to them. It’s nowhere near as atrocious as something like Sandy Hook Lingerie Party Massacre, but I still think that most of you will find no real entertainment value here.

If I ever see that lady on the train again, I’m going to make sure that I’m watching something like, Dear John or When a Man Loves a Woman. I still have nightmares about that unbelievably ‘uncomfortable’ moment. If you are reading my dear, I’m not a raving porn freak… Lol

Slasher Trappings:

Killer Guise: √√√

Gore: √

Final Girl: √

RATING:

4875875487484894984

Posted on October 6, 2012, in Slasher and tagged , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 2 Comments.

  1. Great review and spot on! The film is actually not very good and incredibly OTT.

  1. Pingback: Sandy Hook Lingerie Party Massacre 2000 Review | a SLASH above...

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