Blood Lake 1987 Review
Blood Lake 1987
Directed by: Tim Boggs
Starring: Doug Barry, Angela Barter, Mike Kaufman
Review by Luisito Joaquín González
When reviewing these wonderful stalk and slash flicks, no matter how bad they may be (and some of them are horrendous), I always try to put at least a thousand words down and give as thoughtful an insight as possible. I know very well that there are people globally like me who love these obscurities and copies of some of them are really hard to find. No matter how late I stay up to watch countless entries though, sometimes it’s just impossible to conjure enough words for a review.
Blood Lake is an example when writer’s block has struck. Maybe it’s because it’s a motion picture that’s so empty that I refuse to waste any more time on it? I am not sure, but my apologies for the short(er) review.
A group of teenagers head off to wood-side cabin for a weekend of partying and debauchery. The location is based alongside a large lake, so they make the most of their time by water-skiing, fishing and taking romantic moonlight trips on a boat. They’re not aware however that they are sharing the location with a plump hick in cowboy boots who has different ideas for his choice of entertainment.
You know what? In my garage I have a skateboard that I used to ride on when I was thirteen-years old. Back in those days, I took it everywhere like a comfort rug and I reckon that if I dug it out, I could still bounce off a few ramps with the guile of a mid-life-crisis-stricken Tony Hawks. With this in mind, I ask myself, would I expect audiences to be satisfied if I populated my feature debut with fifteen minutes of me using said skateboard to look ‘groovy’ on the screen? Frankly dear Watson, the answer is, no. Well director Tim Boggs obviously has a very different idea of what pleases a viewer, because he includes what feels like a never-ending scene of his cast-members ‘water-skiing’. It’s not that there’s something wrong with water-skiing. It’s an audacious sport that looks like an incredible amount of fun. Sitting through a quarter of an hour of unappealing actors getting dragged around behind a boat during a horror film though doesn’t sit too high on my list of ‘entertaining things to do’.
In fact; long, tedious and ultimately pointless scenes are the director’s trademark and he seems to like nothing better than filling the screen with ingredients that take the story absolutely nowhere. I understand that we need to develop our characters in these flicks, but sitting them in a Trans-Am for what feels like an eternity whilst they mumble gibberish gets pretty tedious pretty quickly. Oh and please don’t get me started with the tear-inducing card game scene, which had me pulling out my chest hair before it had come to an end. By this point in the film, I started to feel more like Blood Lake was an over-long Youtube video on how cool the Blood Lake Posse are at weekends. So would things improve when we finally got to see our psychopathic killer?
Frankly dear Watson, the answer is…. well, I am sure you can guess. I could never understand why if you are going to rip off Halloween and Friday the 13 then you wouldn’t go all out and give your antagonist a decent disguise. How much could it cost to get hold of a mask and a boiler suit from the fancy dress store? The killer here looks laughable in cowboy boots, hat and scruffy shirt that just about covers his beer belly. Scary? You’ll get more chills from Sesame Street. There’s no real gore on offer either and the obvious lack of filmmaking experience from everyone involved is a big poo poo to the chance of suspense. I recall one decent shadow shot that I rather enjoyed and the soundtrack is not as bad as I expected it to be, but that’s hardly enough to offer redemption.
After the self-mutilation inducingly poorly-acted climax, there is a sequence that had me flabbergasted. I won’t spoil it for you, because it’s the best thing that Blood Lake had to offer. To be fair it had me scratching my head with confusion. All due respect to the honesty of the film crew, because as the credits rolled it’s the first thing that they explained. Perhaps that was a bad move, because that moment gave the film more credibility than it ended up deserving.
I am not usually harsh on a poor movie, because at least these guys had the cojones to put together the funds to make a feature, which is something that I would love to do. The only thing that annoys me is that it’s such it is such a splendid opportunity, so why didn’t they make the most of it? Little old me, a Spanish genre fan living in London has taken the effort to review a back-garden project that was made nearly twenty-five years ago. Doesn’t that make them wish that they’d tried harder?
Well I managed 1000 words, but I didn’t enjoy this flick. I doubt that anyone else will either.
Final Girl √